Isn’t that what everyone says when you are single. How it’s so important that you love yourself first before you love others. But do you?
As a hypnotherapist I see a lot of people who would love a magic wand to change so much about themselves. They are looking to be taller, slimmer, more attractive, have better skin, bigger boobs, pretty much anything other than accept who they really are. Hypnotherapy of course can help you address things like your weight, your health etc., by encouraging a healthy diet and lifestyle. And, the knock on effect of a healthier lifestyle is a happier, healthier you. But, what if you have a good diet and lifestyle, but still don’t like the skin you’re in?
When this happens it starts to impact on your self esteem. You try to hide out, even in social situations, not wanting to be noticed, because you don’t feel confident being the person that you are. If this is you, you may find that even though you have been looking forward to the wedding, party or other event, and a chance to catch up with old friends and make new ones, at the last minute you’ll start to panic, get a migraine, or just talk yourself out of it. This of course, leaves your friends feeling let down, or given the impression that you really don’t want to be with them, so the invites gradually trickle to a halt.
Or you may find yourself faking confidence, putting on a show character, the joker, the daredevil, like some kind of fancy dress costume, to pretend you are everything you feel you should be. Only to spend the end of every party in the toilet drunk and miserable, talking to yourself, and feeling that no one you know and hang out with really knows you at all. When your friends only seem to invite you to be some kind of free entertainment, it can be just as tiring keeping up the façade as being awkward you who you were in the first place.
So what is the solution? Love yourself. So easy to say, but so hard to do right? So start small and work up to being the badass, self confident guru that you deserve to be. Start with 3 things I like about me. 3 genuine things, not fake things. 3 things like, I have a good smile. I like animals. I have good teeth. Tell yourself these 3 things every morning when you wake up. Then add to your list, make it 5 things., write them down on a post it note, and stick to your mirror for you to recite in the morning. Gradually add things to your “I’m Awesome List”, till you get to 10 things.
Now you have 10 great things about you. Now, and only now, look at what your inner voice has been saying to you about yourself. Is it kind? Is it fair? Is it honest? Don’t wallow, just evaluate, how is that inner voice talking to you? You can correct this, by ignoring the critically inner voice, and creating a kinder one.
Remove all the But’s. I love my hair colour, but it would be better thicker/longer/curly/straight.
Try. I love my hair colour, I wonder what it would look like thicker/longer/curly/straight.
I like meeting new people, but I never know what to say.
Try. I like meeting new people even though I never know what to say.
Small changes can make a big difference long term.
Now, imagine a day, one year down the line, one year, with no changes to you, exactly the same you but a year on, any happier? Loving yourself?
OK so imagine a day, one year down the line, one year, with just these small changes engaged in your life, talking to yourself nicely, listing your good points, removing the buts, any happier? Loving yourself? You betcha!
So a year on, and you are walking down the road, listening to music you love, not music you’ve been told you should listen to. Wearing a coat you chose for its colours or style, in shoes you like, with your hair done how you like it. You have hobbies you enjoy, go places you are interested in, and socialise with people who like the same stuff as you. Finding someone who finds the REAL you attractive suddenly doesn’t seem so difficult, because it is the real you 24/7. Out in the world, being awesome, being unique, being the very best version of you. Loving yourself!
Hypnotherapy is available for confidence, self esteem, public speaking, weight loss, fears and phobias. If you feel you need help, being the very best version of you, and that following the steps outlined above just aren’t going to make a difference, or if you’d like a mentor to hold your hand a keep you on track with your self love progress, then please get in touch.
Oh yeah, and there will be bad days, and wobbles, that is what makes you human, rather than a machine. But when life knocks you down, don’t stay down, dust yourself off, learn what got you, make sure it doesn’t get you again, and jump up again back on the pathway. There is a wonderful world of adventure out there made just for someone like you, go get it!